Dave Furman points out that there can be a better way to help than telling someone you’re available to provide any help they need.

2 thoughts on “A More Thoughtful Way To Help Those Who Need Help

  1. Some really good advice and insightful. It’s true we do often pledge “general help”. I have been more specific with help-giving in the past, but it wasn’t something I consciously identified as different to “general help” – I guess I just did it at the time because I empathised and could “sense” what that particular person needed. What I found, however, was that in times when I have been suffering immensely, I was alone in that suffering with no humans to get help from and it’s true that most of the time (in the middle of that suffering) I had no understanding or awareness of how I could be helped. I didn’t know what to ask for. But I never really considered the difference between “general help” and “specific help” – it’s true that if someone had offered specific help, it would have felt as though their offer was more genuine and they were not just just being polite (e.g. in the way people ask “how are you?” but never really being genuinely concerned about the real answer). Specific help would have really helped me. Specific, insightful help would help me in any future struggles: it shows that someone really understands what you are going through and what specifically would help you at this time. Going forwards, I will be more conscious in offering specific help.

    1. Gary Ware says:

      Thanks for the thoughtful comment.
      I’m sure that helping in this way becomes easier and more intuitive with practice and as relationships grow.

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