mgpcpastor's blog

Today marks the last day of year eight at mgpc.
April 15 will mark the commencement of year nine.
(Last Sunday also marked the second birthday of this blog)

Here’s a few words to mark the occasion.

Leading even what is a healthy and growing church in a small and struggling state denomination leaves me feeling distant, isolated and drained at times. Being one of the outer markers of the national connection means you feel pretty much out of the mainstream loop. But I think my delusions of grandeur are subsiding. Even by Presbyterian standards I can’t kid myself that I’m a bright young thing, full of promise, just waiting for a destiny equal to my sense of self-importance to discover me anymore
Today is not a preparation for the destiny I deserve, it is the destiny for which all my days so far have prepared me.

I am thankful for the encouragement, generosity, partnership and patience of the folk here at mgpc, all of which mirror the undeserved saving grace of God through Christ. They model Christ to me. They won’t settle for anything less than the Bible being preached. To my enduring embarrassment one person keeps mentioning humility as one of my personal qualities. To anyone who has known me that sounds astonishing. Pride, arrogance and hubris have been constant companions. Like I wrote above, I used to anticipate that I’d end up in a situation that deserved my gifts. Instead I find myself in a situation where I’m basically embarrassed by the love, support and understanding I receive. I know I don’t deserve this. I wish this church could have the more efficient, extroverted and wise pastor which it deserves. So, all I can do is be thankful. If that’s humility, then so be it. It’s a blessing to have the unstinting support of my colleague and our fellow elders, who all want to grow as disciples of Christ so they can better serve the body.

Living with someone suffering chronic illness means that you pretty much daily sacrifice your notions of what a normal relationship should be like on the altar of reality. You might think we’d be pretty accepting of life as it is now, but it still catches me up in little ways that point to my own pettiness, self-centeredness and lack of gratitude for what we actually have. I’ve told many others that the vow ‘in sickness and in health’ is a promise for the other, not a demand for ourselves, but it is so hard to maintain that perspective in every little fragment of life together. It’s not so much the big stuff where I inflict hurt these days, but rather it’s stupid trifling details where my disproportionate level of annoyance shows a deeper lack of acceptance, understanding and peace.

Seeing my children growing up during this season has been humbling as well. I wish I could have given them fewer of my flaws, but they are maturing is such a way that they will grow beyond us, but not away from us. I look forward to the relationships we will share in their adult lives.

The friendship of other church leaders and Christians in the local community, and fellowship with others in the wider church, both real and virtual helps to season and stabilise life in such a way that I can bring the fruit of these contacts to nourish the folk here.

So, if you’re reading this, thank you, and all praise to God for His grace and goodness these past eight years.