Love is patient (1 Corinthians 13:4)
One of my strands of advice to people facing challenging seasons in their marriage is that, if their spouses won’t receive anything else from them at this point in time, give them patience.
This is not meant to be a substitute for love, a mental assent to doing nothing or putting the relationship on hold.
It is meant to help them understand what Paul meant when he wrote that love is patient in 1 Corinthians.
Our understanding of patience is to think of it as an adjective, a word that helps to describe the action of love.
Paul, however is using the verb form of patience here, and is using love to describe that action. The activity of controlling your internal and external reactions in a difficult circumstance, to delay a strong desire to act, is love.
This is not the same thing as avoidance. There are times and circumstances where immediate action is required. But when immediacy is not what your loved one needs then love waits. And waits.
In John 16:12 Jesus demonstrates loving patience with the disciples “I still have many things to say to you, but you cannot bear them now.”
Jesus shows the love that waits.
This is a challenge to us, because it often seems easier to know what action we should take than to know exactly when we should take that action. And that contrast is magnified when it comes to others. We’re very clear about what they should do, but our desire for their well-being can see us pushing them down a course of action before they’re ready.
Particularly so in marriage.
We need to remember that our expectation in marriage is to fulfil our promises, not make demands.
We need to remember in our relationships to be nurturing others in what is best for their growth, not what suits our timetable.
And that is not a substitute for love, it is not love on hold.
It is the love that waits.
It is love.
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