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reports, reviews, thoughts, news (and fun) posted by Gary Ware

Category Archives: Love


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A Prayer for Repenting of Whining and Ingratitude (via Scotty Smith)

Scotty Smith points out that focussing on God’s gracious acceptance and delight in us is one of the best antidotes to complaining and resentfulness.
He also points out, that even when we come to the point of view whereby we ourselves become convicted of our unsavoury behaviour toward God; in Christ, God has always been looking on us with love and delight. Further reason to be freed from negativity.
From Heavenward.

     [The older brother] was angry and refused to go in. His father came out and entreated him, but he answered his father, “Look, these many years I have served you, and I never disobeyed your command, yet you never gave me a young goat, that I might celebrate with my friends. But when this son of yours came, who has devoured your property with prostitutes, you killed the fattened calf for him!” And he said to him, “Son, you are always with me, and all that is mine is yours.” Luke 15:28-31

Forbearing Father, meditating through this familiar portion of your Word has taken to me a familiar place again, unfortunately. Though I’d never boast about my many years of serving you—as thought my service merits your acceptance; and I’d never think of boasting in my record of obedience to your commands—as though my works earned a relationship with you; nevertheless, I acknowledge there are times when my ingratitude matches that of the older brother.
This has become obvious to me lately, and I want to repent before it gets any worse. My best repenting happens, not when I grovel, but when I preach the gospel to my own heart, so here goes.
Father, you are constantly running to me in the gospel—inviting me, imploring me, pleading with me to get on the dance floor of your grace—to enjoy the music of reconciliation; to sing the songs of redemption; to make merry to the glory of God.
You are constantly saying to my grumbling, complaining, discontented self-righteous face, “My son, you’re always with me because I’m always with you. Nothing will ever separate you from the everlasting love I have for you, and all my children. I greatly delight in you. I rejoice over you with singing. Everything I have is yours.
All your sins are forgiven, including your gross ingratitude. I’ve declared you to be righteous in my beloved Son. Having given his life for your redemption, I’ve hidden your life in his, for your exultation. I’ve begun a good work in you, and in my whole broken world, that I will bring to completion.
I’ve made you a co-heir of the new heaven and new earth. You are destined for an eternity of perfect relationships, perfect health, a perfect environment, a perfect story, perfect worship, perfect fulfillment—perfect everything. Come, let us rejoice and be glad.”
Father, I so repent—and please don’t relent. Keep beating down my ungratefulness with multiplied love offensives of the gospel. Only grace can free me from whining for worship. So very Amen I pray, in Jesus’ peerless and praiseworthy name.


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The Love That Waits

Love is patient (1 Corinthians 13:4)

One of my strands of advice to people facing challenging seasons in their marriage is that, if their spouses won’t receive anything else from them at this point in time, give them patience.
This is not meant to be a substitute for love, a mental assent to doing nothing or putting the relationship on hold.
It is meant to help them understand what Paul meant when he wrote that love is patient in 1 Corinthians.
Our understanding of patience is to think of it as an adjective, a word that helps to describe the action of love.
Paul, however is using the verb form of patience here, and is using love to describe that action. The activity of controlling your internal and external reactions in a difficult circumstance, to delay a strong desire to act, is love.
This is not the same thing as avoidance. There are times and circumstances where immediate action is required. But when immediacy is not what your loved one needs then love waits. And waits.
In John 16:12 Jesus demonstrates loving patience with the disciples “I still have many things to say to you, but you cannot bear them now.”
Jesus shows the love that waits.
This is a challenge to us, because it often seems easier to know what action we should take than to know exactly when we should take that action. And that contrast is magnified when it comes to others. We’re very clear about what they should do, but our desire for their well-being can see us pushing them down a course of action before they’re ready.
Particularly so in marriage.
We need to remember that our expectation in marriage is to fulfil our promises, not make demands.
We need to remember in our relationships to be nurturing others in what is best for their growth, not what suits our timetable.
And that is not a substitute for love, it is not love on hold.
It is the love that waits.
It is love.


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A Sufferer To Comfort The Suffering

An article from Mockingbird blog which also contains a reference to ‘The Juliet Club’, a society in Verona, Italy which provides handwritten replies to the 6000 letters a year which are received by that city addressed to the titular ‘Juliet’ of Shakespeare’s Romeo And Juliet.

One of the criticisms of Gospel preaching is that it can, at times, be gloomy. “Do we have to hear about sin again?”, the complaint goes, “Do you have to be so down on humanity?”, “Can’t we talk about how great life is sometimes?”, “Can’t you give me some self-improvement tools?”
To these voices the Gospel preacher replies that life is often (perhaps mostly) hard, and that as much as we might crave a word of optimism, a little fuel for the part of us that longs to live in blissful ignorance (or denial), what we really need is not to have our humanity built up, but rather put to death. True hope – hope in God and his unbreakable love for us in Jesus Christ – comes only when we let go of our false hopes, and this happens only in the crucible of real, hard, life. In this view, church ceases to be a venue for fairy tales and bedtime stories, but rather a haven for sufferers. Church is the place where we come together to hear and tell the truth about our lives, our sin, and to receive grace and mercy. As Luther poignantly said, “If the mercy is true, you must therefore bear a true, not an imaginary sin. God does not save those who are only imaginary sinners.”
Secondarily, we might also say that there is tremendous comfort in knowing that we are not alone in our suffering. Although our “better selves” may crave an environment of collective positivity, our real selves need fellow sufferers. Counterintuitively, we find a community of truth-telling to be a balm, not a depressant, in the midst of our own trials. Just check out your local 12-step meeting sometime.
Along these lines, there was a very interesting little piece on NPR this morning about a group in Verona, Italy which exists for the sole purpose of answering the over 6,000 letters written to Juliet every year. These letters are overwhelmingly sad; women (and some men) who have had their hearts broken, often repeatedly, and are reaching out to the love-struck suicidal teenager in search of some relief. While one might think that reading and responding to these letters would be the most depressing job imaginable, it is, in fact, quite the opposite:

Despite the heartbreak, many of the secretaries have been doing this for years — decades even. But the odd effect of witnessing so much loneliness, the secretaries explain, is that it actually makes them feel closer to humanity at large. “Seeing that so many people are sharing the same feeling,” says Marchi, “makes you a little less lonely.”

Amen.


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Love Is Not Irritable (via Philip Ryken & Desiring God)

Love is not irritable, the Bible tells us.
Irritability is something that can grow over time.
Familiarity and relationship express themselves in passive/aggressive carping, venting, language and tone that would not happen if the relationship was newer or more distanced.
It can be a sign we’re taking someone or something for granted, or believe we’re in a position where their feelings don’t matter so much.
Philip Ryken talks about irritability in this video, originally posted on Desiring God.